Only Mom

Morgan often sneaks out of quiet time early. We both enjoy these random times together while Reagan is asleep. This is when she lets me into her little world. Today is no exception. Morgan appears next to me. I am ready to remind her that quiet time isn't over but I can tell she has something on her mind. Her cheeks are flushed and her smile big. She can't hold it in any longer. "I have a secret," she whispers. "What's your secret?" I put my ear down close to her so she can tell me what is making her so flustered. She attempts to tell me but stops short. She's too embarrassed she says. I gently coax her to tell me and finally, she quietly says "Today in church I turned around and I saw CODY!" Her eyes sparkle and her arms twist together bashfully. And I realize that as her Mother, I am the only one who knows what a big deal this is to her. I'm the only one who catches her staring at the this neighbor boy through the fence any time he's shooting baskets in his back yard. I'm the only one who finally realized that she hopes he's there any time she runs out the door. I'm the only one who notices that he leaves her paralyzed and speechless anytime he's around her. I'm the only one she tells her deepest secrets to. Only Mom. I love being her only.


Today was so beautiful and I couldn't wait to soak in some sunshine. My obligations of the day are fulfilled, I grab the quilt that my mom made Jon years ago... its one of my favorites.
I bypass the lunch dishes still on the table, head out the fingerprinted sliding door and spread the quilt carefully out on the grass. The blanket is warm from the sun and it feels so nice against my cheek. The plushy grass underneath the blanket is so soft and it smells so good. It smells like spring, like happy times. I close my eyes and am the most comfortable I've been in a while. I close my eyes. It's quiet in my own thoughts but I begin to listen to the girls. Reagan is belting out a collage of songs at the top of her lungs and Morgan is giggling. I can hear them running, flipping water at each other from the hose, screaming with delight. With the sun warming my back, I feel something plunge on top of me. I open my eyes to find Reagan's sparkling green eyes gazing at me; nose to nose. Her cheeks still have ketchup on it from our hamburgers we just ate for lunch. Her whispy bangs are stuck in her eyelashes. She is smiling, genuinely happy through and through. She loves life. The sun is shining behind her and creating a glow about her face. She is so beautiful. In this moment I am overwhelmed with gratitude that she is mine. That both of them are mine. She says, "Hello Mommy." And then she is off again, dancing and singing and laughing. I can still see her in my mind's eye, her sweet face full of love and adoration and purity. I'll never forget that moment. I vow, here and now, that I will make a valiant effort to live in the moment, for those moments are genuine treasures.

To my two little girls, I am Mom forever and ever. How I wish that I can make their moments with me positive and powerful and wholesome and good. I hope that I can live up to "Mom" and create memories that will bring them warmth any time they recall them. I love you, little Angels, more than you will ever know. You are my reason, my life, my everything!